totally a bummer

it's slighly annoying to me that people aren't as nuts here as they are at my old store. it leaves me with a surprising lack of blogger fodder. hmph. i mean yea ok, i get a lot of crazy white trash methfaces, but theyre just sad. oh well.

fuck it im going to the beach before work. viva summer.

crossblogging

soemtimes i think i should be cross-blogging (is that even a word?) with www.whythefuckdoyouhaveakid.com because there are some terrible terrible terrible instances of people who should NOT breed that shop at my store.

i honestly wish that i could take pictures of some of these people. i mean, it is a cross section of america that makes my eyes pop out of my head.

so last night...

i witnessed a drunk AND pregnant woman buying supplies for her 2 year old son's birthday party with food stamps.

its obviously not the food stamp part that bothers me. : /

oh, and when there is a barrier blocking the one entrance near closing time, do NOT go around it to try to get out of it. its there for a reason, idiots. (the reason being? THE DOOR IS LOCKED).

it kind of freaks me out being the closing cashier at this store, because the front end person leaves a half hour before the store closes. and its just me, a bagger (who generally is special needs), and a mgr who just kinda stay in their office. i feel like this is how horror movies start and i'm totally not into it. yikes.

and to think...i ALMOST thought this would be different

ok. so. i'm almost done with my second week being gainfully (or maybe NOT so gainfully, as i am getting very few hours) employed at a different store in a different part of the country. now, i usually get scheduled at customer service. no. they've been scheduling me as a casheir. which really hurts, because it's SO boring. i can't even. so, i've noticed that almost everyone is a lot nicer than in my old region. and that's great. no one's called me stupid, but others have kinda given me the cold shoulder.

really, the demographic of the citizens of this area is kinda crazy. its like 1/2 white trash methfaces, half yuppies with crazy tans and shorts with whales embroidered on them. and if i have to do one more fucking wic check i'm gonna slap someone.

regardless, the thing that made me most feel like i was at home happened tuesday night. i've been extrordinarily friendly to people and what not, but when this woman asked me "can i talk to your manager?" in such a way that made me think that i did something wrong, i started like shakinnnnng. i guess im so used to crazies blaming me for everything. anyway, so i got my front end mgr and the girl was like "hi how can i help you?" and she's like "i want to complain about the cigarette butts outside" and i was like "phew. well. its not me."

so the mgr came up, talked to the broad, and i guess like...apologized, cause she left. i then later heard my front end mgr telling another girl "yeah she walked past me and was like "COUGH COUGH COUGH ::DIRTY LOOK::" i was kind of like...really? like...is it really that big of a deal? omg there are cig butts outside ALERT THE AUTHORITIES!!! idk, i am clearly all about the environment. but cig butts are realllllly easy to clean up. there is no reason that a customer should have been bitchin about it. idk, but wtf.

oh well.

home for the weekend, USA USA USA! <3

a few general thoguhs here

first of all. the glove lady has not been seen by my own eyes since swine flu came out. i thinkkk she's barricaded in her apartment and never coming out. which is sort of a bummer, because she really is hilarious.

second of all. i'm transferring stores to a store in another state since i'm moving for grad school tomorrow.

i hope there are enough crazies there that i can continue this blog. omg.

the music in my store

ok. so. stores all over the country have terrible music. that kind of goes without saying. our store's radio channel isn't the worst i have heard ( cause at least they don't play that awfulll elevator music) but it is by no means GOOD. every now and then, i notice a good song playing. some highlights include:

• strange condition by pete yorn
• africa by toto
• assorted classic rock songs
• counting blue cars by dishwalla (shut up. such a good song)
• the middle by jimmy eat world
  

there are also a TON of hilariously nostalgic songs that play on our store radio, such as:

• wannabe by spice girls
• mmmbop by hanson
• breakfast at tiffany's by deep blue something

and then there are just the terrible terrible terrible adult contemporary songs that i hear adnauseum. like...its really bad when i start singing along with these songs. there are also songs that i just hate. a lot of them, i have no idea what they are. like there is this song that i could only describe if i made an audio file of me singing but it is SO bad and i hate it so much.

how hard would it be to make a store radio station that like, is slightly hip but not aids for the ears? i mean i know all that crappyass market research about the certain "beats per minute" in songs that makes people buy more, but COME ON!

sorry.

a few open letters...

dear bread lady,

how many effin times are you going to return the same fucking loaf of bread? how many times do you expect us to believe that your boyfriend bought you the wrong kind? do you get off on this shit, you stupid bitch?

love, m.

dear liars,

why must you lie to me and tell me that the lines are crazy out there? do you think i cannot see the front end? nothing infuriates me more, you assholes.

love, m.

dear glovie,

are you dead? i miss your shenegans, even though you annoy the living shit out of me.

love, m.

and the piece de resistance...

dear misogynistic asshole from the other day,

don't call me stupid because i am a woman. taht's a real fine example you're setting for you eight year old daughter. you're a really good dude. i'm sure. seriously choke on it, you dick. i hope your wife leaves you cause you are a pig.

love, m.

That whole salmonella thing...

i'm beginning to think that i should just write about the glove lady, because she is so effin entertaining...

two weeks ago, there was that whole salmonella/peanutbutter recall. ok all well and good. not a big deal. so a few days after the news broke, i get a phone call. "HI! ITS SARAH!" and i know its her, because i had to take her ID for an expensive return one day. immediately, i am like "fuggg this is gonna be GOOD!" so, she starts rambling about how "on friday, i was here. i bought some groceries, including a can of peanuts. now, i ate some, then went about my night, ate dinner, then felt really sick to my stomach...and then all of a sudden! i realized! IT WAS THE PEANUTS! IM BRINGING THEM BACK. YOU KNOW I HAVE SENSITIVITIES!" and im like dying laughing. like i can;t take her! also, whats the deal with her returning cherry coke zero? she requests we stock it, then returns it. whatttt!!!!! i can;t deal.

APpARENTLY

ONE OF MY COWORKERS SET OFF THE PANIC BUTTON

CAUSING THE TOWNS PD AND LIKE SWAT TEAM TO COME TO MY STORE

AND THAT TOTALLY MAKES ME LAUGH

i definitely wish i was there today cause i would've been ON THE FLOOR laughing. hasdfjkashfjkasfhjkasdf

hahahahahah

cell phone etiquitte. is it REALLY that hard to follow?

in a world as connected as we are, i completely understand that attachment to our cell phones that we all have. believe me, i do. just yesterday, my dad said from across the room, "m. is this your phone? i don't think i have ever seen it not on your person". but really...how hard is it to be a little more polite when it comes to cell phones in public places?

honestly, i get off my cell if i am encountering a cashier or something like that. or i ask my friend to hold up a sec and place my order or whatever. when i am on the receiving end of things like this, it makes me feel a lot better. however, if you are an asshole who continues their conversation while sort of asking for cigs, etc on the dl...holy shit am i gonna be a dick to you. i most likely will be very loud when asking if i can help you with anything, telling you your total, or telling you to have a FABULOUS day. i just cannot stand rudeness. it's like...seriously, give me a little effin respect you assclowns.

the same thing kind of goes for people who yell into their cells in a public place. no one wants to hear the sordid details of whatever they hell you are talking about. take it outside, or in your car. i've legitimately heard people yelling into their cells about things that look like they could be infected "down there" WOW HOW DISCREET ARE YOU PEOPLE?!?!?! omfg. i can't even.

the other day i managed to get a combo of the two things that i just mentioned...in one person. ugh. first, came an example of the latter description. this lady is standing in front of my service desk flat out YELLING into her phone about some stupid shit, being all obnoxious and yelling "I DONT KNOW WHY SHE DIDNT KNOW. ITS NOT LIKE I DIDNT TELL HER". and we're all kind of standing there like what the hell? so she goes away and i think i am done. not so much, to my chagrin. like 20 minutes later, i am talking with a customer who i do not particularly LIKE but he's a regular so whatever. anyway, we're discussing something mundane, when i hear that voice yelling behind him "and whatever the PPD thinks i am crazy cause when the cops came to my house i started screaming at them blah blah blah" and i couldnt even see her cause the other customer was blocking her but i just opened my eyes REALLY wide. and the guy i was talking to started laughing and was like "well, looks like we had the same thought" so he steps away and lets me as her "Hi, can i help you with anything?" (all bright, loud and cheery, because she's the twat on her cell phone), and she nastily says "YEAH. you CAN. give me a box of newports" and i'm like...wow bitch. knock it off. so i go to tell her the total, and she cuts me off (well. not really me) and says to who ever is on the other side of her phone call " god, i can;t even talk on the phone in this store without people giving me dirty looks" and then SHOOTS me a look! hahaha WHAT! so i told ehr to have a nice day and she just screams WHATEVER at me and snaches the reciept out of my hand.

i like, lost it. this woman was beyonnnnnnnnnnnnd! who does that! haha i am like shocked.

let this be a lesson, don't talk on your cell phone like a retard. just sayin.