dear bread lady,
how many effin times are you going to return the same fucking loaf of bread? how many times do you expect us to believe that your boyfriend bought you the wrong kind? do you get off on this shit, you stupid bitch?
love, m.
dear liars,
why must you lie to me and tell me that the lines are crazy out there? do you think i cannot see the front end? nothing infuriates me more, you assholes.
love, m.
dear glovie,
are you dead? i miss your shenegans, even though you annoy the living shit out of me.
love, m.
and the piece de resistance...
dear misogynistic asshole from the other day,
don't call me stupid because i am a woman. taht's a real fine example you're setting for you eight year old daughter. you're a really good dude. i'm sure. seriously choke on it, you dick. i hope your wife leaves you cause you are a pig.
love, m.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
That whole salmonella thing...
i'm beginning to think that i should just write about the glove lady, because she is so effin entertaining...
two weeks ago, there was that whole salmonella/peanutbutter recall. ok all well and good. not a big deal. so a few days after the news broke, i get a phone call. "HI! ITS SARAH!" and i know its her, because i had to take her ID for an expensive return one day. immediately, i am like "fuggg this is gonna be GOOD!" so, she starts rambling about how "on friday, i was here. i bought some groceries, including a can of peanuts. now, i ate some, then went about my night, ate dinner, then felt really sick to my stomach...and then all of a sudden! i realized! IT WAS THE PEANUTS! IM BRINGING THEM BACK. YOU KNOW I HAVE SENSITIVITIES!" and im like dying laughing. like i can;t take her! also, whats the deal with her returning cherry coke zero? she requests we stock it, then returns it. whatttt!!!!! i can;t deal.
two weeks ago, there was that whole salmonella/peanutbutter recall. ok all well and good. not a big deal. so a few days after the news broke, i get a phone call. "HI! ITS SARAH!" and i know its her, because i had to take her ID for an expensive return one day. immediately, i am like "fuggg this is gonna be GOOD!" so, she starts rambling about how "on friday, i was here. i bought some groceries, including a can of peanuts. now, i ate some, then went about my night, ate dinner, then felt really sick to my stomach...and then all of a sudden! i realized! IT WAS THE PEANUTS! IM BRINGING THEM BACK. YOU KNOW I HAVE SENSITIVITIES!" and im like dying laughing. like i can;t take her! also, whats the deal with her returning cherry coke zero? she requests we stock it, then returns it. whatttt!!!!! i can;t deal.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
APpARENTLY
ONE OF MY COWORKERS SET OFF THE PANIC BUTTON
CAUSING THE TOWNS PD AND LIKE SWAT TEAM TO COME TO MY STORE
AND THAT TOTALLY MAKES ME LAUGH
i definitely wish i was there today cause i would've been ON THE FLOOR laughing. hasdfjkashfjkasfhjkasdf
hahahahahah
CAUSING THE TOWNS PD AND LIKE SWAT TEAM TO COME TO MY STORE
AND THAT TOTALLY MAKES ME LAUGH
i definitely wish i was there today cause i would've been ON THE FLOOR laughing. hasdfjkashfjkasfhjkasdf
hahahahahah
Sunday, January 11, 2009
cell phone etiquitte. is it REALLY that hard to follow?
in a world as connected as we are, i completely understand that attachment to our cell phones that we all have. believe me, i do. just yesterday, my dad said from across the room, "m. is this your phone? i don't think i have ever seen it not on your person". but really...how hard is it to be a little more polite when it comes to cell phones in public places?
honestly, i get off my cell if i am encountering a cashier or something like that. or i ask my friend to hold up a sec and place my order or whatever. when i am on the receiving end of things like this, it makes me feel a lot better. however, if you are an asshole who continues their conversation while sort of asking for cigs, etc on the dl...holy shit am i gonna be a dick to you. i most likely will be very loud when asking if i can help you with anything, telling you your total, or telling you to have a FABULOUS day. i just cannot stand rudeness. it's like...seriously, give me a little effin respect you assclowns.
the same thing kind of goes for people who yell into their cells in a public place. no one wants to hear the sordid details of whatever they hell you are talking about. take it outside, or in your car. i've legitimately heard people yelling into their cells about things that look like they could be infected "down there" WOW HOW DISCREET ARE YOU PEOPLE?!?!?! omfg. i can't even.
the other day i managed to get a combo of the two things that i just mentioned...in one person. ugh. first, came an example of the latter description. this lady is standing in front of my service desk flat out YELLING into her phone about some stupid shit, being all obnoxious and yelling "I DONT KNOW WHY SHE DIDNT KNOW. ITS NOT LIKE I DIDNT TELL HER". and we're all kind of standing there like what the hell? so she goes away and i think i am done. not so much, to my chagrin. like 20 minutes later, i am talking with a customer who i do not particularly LIKE but he's a regular so whatever. anyway, we're discussing something mundane, when i hear that voice yelling behind him "and whatever the PPD thinks i am crazy cause when the cops came to my house i started screaming at them blah blah blah" and i couldnt even see her cause the other customer was blocking her but i just opened my eyes REALLY wide. and the guy i was talking to started laughing and was like "well, looks like we had the same thought" so he steps away and lets me as her "Hi, can i help you with anything?" (all bright, loud and cheery, because she's the twat on her cell phone), and she nastily says "YEAH. you CAN. give me a box of newports" and i'm like...wow bitch. knock it off. so i go to tell her the total, and she cuts me off (well. not really me) and says to who ever is on the other side of her phone call " god, i can;t even talk on the phone in this store without people giving me dirty looks" and then SHOOTS me a look! hahaha WHAT! so i told ehr to have a nice day and she just screams WHATEVER at me and snaches the reciept out of my hand.
i like, lost it. this woman was beyonnnnnnnnnnnnd! who does that! haha i am like shocked.
let this be a lesson, don't talk on your cell phone like a retard. just sayin.
honestly, i get off my cell if i am encountering a cashier or something like that. or i ask my friend to hold up a sec and place my order or whatever. when i am on the receiving end of things like this, it makes me feel a lot better. however, if you are an asshole who continues their conversation while sort of asking for cigs, etc on the dl...holy shit am i gonna be a dick to you. i most likely will be very loud when asking if i can help you with anything, telling you your total, or telling you to have a FABULOUS day. i just cannot stand rudeness. it's like...seriously, give me a little effin respect you assclowns.
the same thing kind of goes for people who yell into their cells in a public place. no one wants to hear the sordid details of whatever they hell you are talking about. take it outside, or in your car. i've legitimately heard people yelling into their cells about things that look like they could be infected "down there" WOW HOW DISCREET ARE YOU PEOPLE?!?!?! omfg. i can't even.
the other day i managed to get a combo of the two things that i just mentioned...in one person. ugh. first, came an example of the latter description. this lady is standing in front of my service desk flat out YELLING into her phone about some stupid shit, being all obnoxious and yelling "I DONT KNOW WHY SHE DIDNT KNOW. ITS NOT LIKE I DIDNT TELL HER". and we're all kind of standing there like what the hell? so she goes away and i think i am done. not so much, to my chagrin. like 20 minutes later, i am talking with a customer who i do not particularly LIKE but he's a regular so whatever. anyway, we're discussing something mundane, when i hear that voice yelling behind him "and whatever the PPD thinks i am crazy cause when the cops came to my house i started screaming at them blah blah blah" and i couldnt even see her cause the other customer was blocking her but i just opened my eyes REALLY wide. and the guy i was talking to started laughing and was like "well, looks like we had the same thought" so he steps away and lets me as her "Hi, can i help you with anything?" (all bright, loud and cheery, because she's the twat on her cell phone), and she nastily says "YEAH. you CAN. give me a box of newports" and i'm like...wow bitch. knock it off. so i go to tell her the total, and she cuts me off (well. not really me) and says to who ever is on the other side of her phone call " god, i can;t even talk on the phone in this store without people giving me dirty looks" and then SHOOTS me a look! hahaha WHAT! so i told ehr to have a nice day and she just screams WHATEVER at me and snaches the reciept out of my hand.
i like, lost it. this woman was beyonnnnnnnnnnnnd! who does that! haha i am like shocked.
let this be a lesson, don't talk on your cell phone like a retard. just sayin.
Monday, November 24, 2008
bits and pieces
as the holiday season approaches, i feel like i am going to tear my hair out. the crazies have been out in full force. our store is a bit on the understaffed side, so people....we are getting you out as fast as possible. i know it's 5:30 and you have to cook dinner, but if it's so damn important, buy your dinner wares, then come back and do the big grocery shopping at 8 pm, when there is next to no one in the store. just saying.
and SPEAKING OF CRAZIES....the glove lady was back for round two. and i am ashamed to say that she won i think. FML
she came in saturday and n., c., and i were at the service desk. and of course, being the mature employees that we are, we promptly start sniffling and coughing, which sends her into a tizzy. "DO YOU HAVE COLDS?! I CANT GET SICK MY NEIGHBORS ARE DYING* I NEED A RAINCHECK FOR ICE CREAM!!!" c. managed to convince her that her cold was the least contagious, and starts to write out the raincheck. (ps. the bitch even asked if she could ahve it for multiple flavors. the answer is always NO, lady, one per person!!)) i swear to god, it looked like a light bulb went over n. head, and she bolted to the freezer aisle. and comes back with the exact flavor she claimed we were out of. c. and n. tracked her down in aisle 11. c. then tried to get her to relinquish the raincheck, cause wtf we have the item in stock!!! glovies response? "oh, ill just use it for neopolitan, you didn't have that flavor, either." so n. and c. DUG through the freezer and found a carton of neopolitan. BUT SHE SNUCK OUT THE DOOR BEFORE WE COULD GET IT TO HER. FOILED AGAINNNNNNNNNNNN.
oh. and close talkers. are you EFFIN kidding me with this nonsense? it happens all the time, but today took the cake. i had to put something back on the shelf in the back of the store, so i'm heading back up aisle 12 and i step out, and all of a sudden, there is a lady in my face. when i say she was like an inch from me, i am not even exaggerating. "CAN YOU TELL ME WHERE THE AMERICAN CHEESE FOR BAKING IS?" (whoa lady. quit yelling in my face. and have a tic tac. oof) i respond with (rightful on my part) confusion, saying "...american cheese for baking? like...velveeta?!" and since it is my fault i don't know what she needs for her seemingly white-trash casserole, she was all like "is it in the dairy aisle or what?!" "ma'am, i have no idea what you are talking aboutt. american cheese is in 14..." then she cut me off and said "oh, i need cream cheese". my brain exploded. holy crap.
oh and don't worry. it was me that decided not to run a free turkey promotion, so feel free to shit all over me about it, ladies and gents. i made the flyer and everything! OOF.
happy turkey week. and i AM working on thursday, so i bet i will have a great (hungover) story for you all friday am. xoxo
*(her neighbors are dying? what the hell is this bitch smoking? really??)
and SPEAKING OF CRAZIES....the glove lady was back for round two. and i am ashamed to say that she won i think. FML
she came in saturday and n., c., and i were at the service desk. and of course, being the mature employees that we are, we promptly start sniffling and coughing, which sends her into a tizzy. "DO YOU HAVE COLDS?! I CANT GET SICK MY NEIGHBORS ARE DYING* I NEED A RAINCHECK FOR ICE CREAM!!!" c. managed to convince her that her cold was the least contagious, and starts to write out the raincheck. (ps. the bitch even asked if she could ahve it for multiple flavors. the answer is always NO, lady, one per person!!)) i swear to god, it looked like a light bulb went over n. head, and she bolted to the freezer aisle. and comes back with the exact flavor she claimed we were out of. c. and n. tracked her down in aisle 11. c. then tried to get her to relinquish the raincheck, cause wtf we have the item in stock!!! glovies response? "oh, ill just use it for neopolitan, you didn't have that flavor, either." so n. and c. DUG through the freezer and found a carton of neopolitan. BUT SHE SNUCK OUT THE DOOR BEFORE WE COULD GET IT TO HER. FOILED AGAINNNNNNNNNNNN.
oh. and close talkers. are you EFFIN kidding me with this nonsense? it happens all the time, but today took the cake. i had to put something back on the shelf in the back of the store, so i'm heading back up aisle 12 and i step out, and all of a sudden, there is a lady in my face. when i say she was like an inch from me, i am not even exaggerating. "CAN YOU TELL ME WHERE THE AMERICAN CHEESE FOR BAKING IS?" (whoa lady. quit yelling in my face. and have a tic tac. oof) i respond with (rightful on my part) confusion, saying "...american cheese for baking? like...velveeta?!" and since it is my fault i don't know what she needs for her seemingly white-trash casserole, she was all like "is it in the dairy aisle or what?!" "ma'am, i have no idea what you are talking aboutt. american cheese is in 14..." then she cut me off and said "oh, i need cream cheese". my brain exploded. holy crap.
oh and don't worry. it was me that decided not to run a free turkey promotion, so feel free to shit all over me about it, ladies and gents. i made the flyer and everything! OOF.
happy turkey week. and i AM working on thursday, so i bet i will have a great (hungover) story for you all friday am. xoxo
*(her neighbors are dying? what the hell is this bitch smoking? really??)
Friday, November 14, 2008
let me pose a question to you all...
is it really terrible of me to think of more things to annoy the glove lady with?
because i was thinking of taking an article about antibiotic resistant bacteria and putting it in a plastic bag and including it with her groceries. i can't figure out how to pull it off, but i keep giggling.
oh and i want to steal petri dishes of bacteria that i have cultured.
or just talk about working in a biology lab. with microbes.
ok that's just really really mean, i am sorry.
because i was thinking of taking an article about antibiotic resistant bacteria and putting it in a plastic bag and including it with her groceries. i can't figure out how to pull it off, but i keep giggling.
oh and i want to steal petri dishes of bacteria that i have cultured.
or just talk about working in a biology lab. with microbes.
ok that's just really really mean, i am sorry.
Monday, November 10, 2008
this is a nice post. really! it is!
let's face it...usually i am nothing more than a snarky bitch who wants to complain about everything. but i was thinking earlier that due to the fact that tomorrow is veterans day, i'm going to discuss the phenomenon called "veteran's wednesday".
when i first started working at the store i work at now, i was warned about something called "veteran's wednesday". it's the time on every wednesday when the bus from the veteran's home in the town comes and brings all the vet's in to buy stuff and, most importantly play the lottery. people were warning me like it was some big, terrible thing. and yeah, when they come, it's busy and of coruse we all grumble about it. however, it's not terrible at all. these guys did a great thing for our country, and they're all great guys, however grumpy they might be. these guys are the only customers that can get away with being surly to me. i swear to god. i have too much respect for veterans to give a shit.
it's always the same guys that come it. there's the guy who lost his legs that buys like a gazillion lottery tickets. he's one of the surlier guys, but lets face it, i would be too. but we've been getting him to smile lately, which makes me feel so much better. there's several other guys too. but my absolute favorite guy that comes in...he's just the best. he's a former Marine who's got a bunch of faded, blurry USMC tattoos on his forearms, and is just the sweetest man alive. he's quiet and softspoken and never has a harsh word for anyone. i just want to hug him all the time. best dudes.
ok so this post didn't turn out as epic as i hoped it would, mostly because i am rushing through it. i guess what i;m trying to say is thank a veteran tomorrow. just sayin.
thank you for your time hahahaha
when i first started working at the store i work at now, i was warned about something called "veteran's wednesday". it's the time on every wednesday when the bus from the veteran's home in the town comes and brings all the vet's in to buy stuff and, most importantly play the lottery. people were warning me like it was some big, terrible thing. and yeah, when they come, it's busy and of coruse we all grumble about it. however, it's not terrible at all. these guys did a great thing for our country, and they're all great guys, however grumpy they might be. these guys are the only customers that can get away with being surly to me. i swear to god. i have too much respect for veterans to give a shit.
it's always the same guys that come it. there's the guy who lost his legs that buys like a gazillion lottery tickets. he's one of the surlier guys, but lets face it, i would be too. but we've been getting him to smile lately, which makes me feel so much better. there's several other guys too. but my absolute favorite guy that comes in...he's just the best. he's a former Marine who's got a bunch of faded, blurry USMC tattoos on his forearms, and is just the sweetest man alive. he's quiet and softspoken and never has a harsh word for anyone. i just want to hug him all the time. best dudes.
ok so this post didn't turn out as epic as i hoped it would, mostly because i am rushing through it. i guess what i;m trying to say is thank a veteran tomorrow. just sayin.
thank you for your time hahahaha
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