bits and pieces

as the holiday season approaches, i feel like i am going to tear my hair out. the crazies have been out in full force. our store is a bit on the understaffed side, so people....we are getting you out as fast as possible. i know it's 5:30 and you have to cook dinner, but if it's so damn important, buy your dinner wares, then come back and do the big grocery shopping at 8 pm, when there is next to no one in the store. just saying.

and SPEAKING OF CRAZIES....the glove lady was back for round two. and i am ashamed to say that she won i think. FML

she came in saturday and n., c., and i were at the service desk. and of course, being the mature employees that we are, we promptly start sniffling and coughing, which sends her into a tizzy. "DO YOU HAVE COLDS?! I CANT GET SICK MY NEIGHBORS ARE DYING* I NEED A RAINCHECK FOR ICE CREAM!!!" c. managed to convince her that her cold was the least contagious, and starts to write out the raincheck. (ps. the bitch even asked if she could ahve it for multiple flavors. the answer is always NO, lady, one per person!!)) i swear to god, it looked like a light bulb went over n. head, and she bolted to the freezer aisle. and comes back with the exact flavor she claimed we were out of. c. and n. tracked her down in aisle 11. c. then tried to get her to relinquish the raincheck, cause wtf we have the item in stock!!! glovies response? "oh, ill just use it for neopolitan, you didn't have that flavor, either." so n. and c. DUG through the freezer and found a carton of neopolitan. BUT SHE SNUCK OUT THE DOOR BEFORE WE COULD GET IT TO HER. FOILED AGAINNNNNNNNNNNN.

oh. and close talkers. are you EFFIN kidding me with this nonsense? it happens all the time, but today took the cake. i had to put something back on the shelf in the back of the store, so i'm heading back up aisle 12 and i step out, and all of a sudden, there is a lady in my face. when i say she was like an inch from me, i am not even exaggerating. "CAN YOU TELL ME WHERE THE AMERICAN CHEESE FOR BAKING IS?" (whoa lady. quit yelling in my face. and have a tic tac. oof) i respond with (rightful on my part) confusion, saying "...american cheese for baking? like...velveeta?!" and since it is my fault i don't know what she needs for her seemingly white-trash casserole, she was all like "is it in the dairy aisle or what?!" "ma'am, i have no idea what you are talking aboutt. american cheese is in 14..." then she cut me off and said "oh, i need cream cheese". my brain exploded. holy crap.

oh and don't worry. it was me that decided not to run a free turkey promotion, so feel free to shit all over me about it, ladies and gents. i made the flyer and everything! OOF.

happy turkey week. and i AM working on thursday, so i bet i will have a great (hungover) story for you all friday am. xoxo

*(her neighbors are dying? what the hell is this bitch smoking? really??)

let me pose a question to you all...

is it really terrible of me to think of more things to annoy the glove lady with?

because i was thinking of taking an article about antibiotic resistant bacteria and putting it in a plastic bag and including it with her groceries. i can't figure out how to pull it off, but i keep giggling.

oh and i want to steal petri dishes of bacteria that i have cultured.

or just talk about working in a biology lab. with microbes.

ok that's just really really mean, i am sorry.

this is a nice post. really! it is!

let's face it...usually i am nothing more than a snarky bitch who wants to complain about everything. but i was thinking earlier that due to the fact that tomorrow is veterans day, i'm going to discuss the phenomenon called "veteran's wednesday".

when i first started working at the store i work at now, i was warned about something called "veteran's wednesday". it's the time on every wednesday when the bus from the veteran's home in the town comes and brings all the vet's in to buy stuff and, most importantly play the lottery. people were warning me like it was some big, terrible thing. and yeah, when they come, it's busy and of coruse we all grumble about it. however, it's not terrible at all. these guys did a great thing for our country, and they're all great guys, however grumpy they might be. these guys are the only customers that can get away with being surly to me. i swear to god. i have too much respect for veterans to give a shit.

it's always the same guys that come it. there's the guy who lost his legs that buys like a gazillion lottery tickets. he's one of the surlier guys, but lets face it, i would be too. but we've been getting him to smile lately, which makes me feel so much better. there's several other guys too. but my absolute favorite guy that comes in...he's just the best. he's a former Marine who's got a bunch of faded, blurry USMC tattoos on his forearms, and is just the sweetest man alive. he's quiet and softspoken and never has a harsh word for anyone. i just want to hug him all the time. best dudes.

ok so this post didn't turn out as epic as i hoped it would, mostly because i am rushing through it. i guess what i;m trying to say is thank a veteran tomorrow. just sayin.

thank you for your time hahahaha

stupid bitch has made it personal now!

ok. so this has gone on for far too long, so long that i feel it cannot be ignored any longer. i am, of course, talking about the glove lady. she is a local crazy that shops at my store. this woman is constantly causing a scene, and trying to scam us for multiple rainchecks, among other things. she is cuckoo-bananas, absolutely bat-shit crazy. she is one of those insane germaphobes who wears rubber gloves and never lets us touch her items to scan them. she has apparently given people several different reasons as to why she wears these gloves. one of the most recent, and my personal favorite, is that "someone in my building has AIDS and i don't want to catch it. oh and my downstairs neighbor is a stripper." SOMEONE NEEDS TO SET THIS BITCH STRAIGHT ABOUT THE TRANSMISSION OF HIV.

So, a few weeks ago, she tried to weasel 3 rainchecks out of me (each for a separate flavor of ice cream. piss. off. lady. one raincheck per person.). she managed to finagle another one out of D., because glove lady was still in the store when the shift changed. i decided to no longer put up with her bull shit. her bullshit has since spawned such notes as this:


i am so classy at writing notes, i know.

anyway, i've taken to sniffling and developing a hacking cough whenever i see her coming on my line for customer service. haha SO MATURE. so last week, i had an unusually long line at the service desk and i'm plowing through it. i see her then hop on the line, then acutally try to cut in front of people. so i made a big ole production of coughing and sniffling. of course, glovie's disease radar picked right up on it and was she screams (she never speaks. just yells. loudly.) "oh NO are you SICK!?!?!" and i could barely supress my laughter as i replied "oh yeah, i must be coming down with something". her eyes bugged right out of her skull and she pretty much shrieked "OMG I NEED A RAIN CHECK BUT I DONT WANT TO RISK IT!" at this point, i almost lost it . i later learned that she cornered L. and made her write a raincheck because she suspected that i was "highly contagious".

ordinarily, i would not actually make fun of people like this. i mean, she obviously has a problem. but yesterday, this lady stepped over the line, and it became personal.

Glove lady sauntered up to my counter, completely oblivious to the fact that i was helping a customer and tried to interrupt. annoyingggggggggg. so i told her that she had to wait her turn. When this glorious time arrived, she let me know (loudly, of course) that her bread was as hard as a rock and that she was gonna get another one. fine, whatever. she then returned with her bread. and a thing of soup that she wanted to pay for at the desk. but here's the catch. she threw money at me and wouldn't let me touch her soup to ring up. when i tried to take it from her (force of habit i guess), she freaked out and was like "OH NO YOU DONT YOU KNOW I HAVE SENSATIVITIES!" so...i tried to move the (somewhat) broken hand scanner. and it wouldn't ring up her thing. and when i kindly told her she'd have to go to a register cause it wasn't working, she stalked off muttering under her breath. where she met B. from produce. and promptly wasted no time telling that "SHE SHOULDNT OPEN HER MOUTH CAUSE SHE HAS TB. I KNOW CAUSE MY DOCTOR TOLD ME SHE DID"

wait wait wait. i have tuburculosis...and i'm working at stop and shop. yes. yes, thats right. i lost it. 110% lost it. i'm still laughing about it. a lot. jesus christ.

WAIT THATS NOT ALL. the next day, i walk into work, and N. is hysterical. because apparently, glovie came in screaming about how she feels threatened (or something) because our cart guy, S., has TB as well. OMFG GUYS ITS AN EPIDEMIC! QUICK! START HANDING OUT THOSE SARS MASKS AT THE DOOR!

i can't even. like, there must be something in the water around here.